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Issue # 62 |
To Your Success |
May 2010 |
“As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say, I just watch what they do.” ----- Andrew Carnegie WHO DO YOU ASPIRE TO BE? Hello, Several years ago a beautiful, rambling executive home was built on a hillside view property in a prestigious development. It was the envy of the neighbourhood. Unfortunately, the builder had limited experience with hillside construction and made some fundamental errors in relation to site preparation and the laying of the foundation.
Today, at a time when this house should be a glowing example of maturing elegance with many more useful years stretched out ahead, it is instead a crumbling shell in need of major reconstruction or perhaps even demolition. What a shame.
Our friends unsuspectingly purchased this house from the builder several years ago and as I drove away recently after having seen first hand the consequences of these construction errors I couldn’t help but think how similar the situation was to that of a person’s life. Just as a house requires proper site preparation and a solid foundation to ensure a long and useful life, a person requires a solid character and good habits to ensure deep seated confidence, a healthy self image, and the ability to create and sustain successful relationships.
The difference however, at least based on my own life experience, is that many of us didn’t learn how to build a strong character foundation prior to setting out on our adult life journey. As a result, some of us ended up experiencing frequent and ongoing negative consequences as the years rolled by, wondering how life could be so unfair. Others of us, for some fortunate reason, after seeing flaws exposed during the course of living became consciously aware and deliberately took action to shore up our foundation as needed.
Personally speaking, it would have been wonderful to have firmly established the fundamentals during the course of growing up and before setting out to take on the world but that didn’t happen, at least not to the degree I would have preferred, so I had to do that work while in the process of building my career, relationships and life. Kind of like jacking up the house from time to time to shore up the foundation. Fortunately it’s possible to do that.
Because of my work presenting life success and achievement courses I’ve been asked on numerous occasions if it’s actually possible for a person to make the necessary changes even though they’re well into adulthood and if so, how to go about it. My answer to the first question is always the same ... yes it is possible and also quite simple. Not always easy for sure, but simple, and age is no barrier, it’s never too late to start.
My answer to the second question is also not complicated and involves a process I implemented successfully years ago when I came to the realization that the person I was at that time had some serious character flaws that were causing me significant challenges and holding me back from creating the kind of life I believed was possible. So in case you’re interested I’ll share that process with you here to either put into practice personally or pass along to someone who might benefit.
Step 1: Become aware of who you presently are.
To begin, sit down with a pad of paper and write down every trait you can think of (both of a positive and negative nature) that describes a person’s character ... such as confident, insecure, generous, stingy, kind, hurtful, conscientious, careless, self-responsible, blaming, punctual, tardy, optimistic, pessimistic, respectful, disrespectful, etc (to stimulate your thought process just Google ‘character traits’). This can easily develop into a lengthy list but don’t get too carried away, stick with the most important traits that resonate with you for now ... you can always come back later and tweak a few more.
Once you’ve completed your list, look it over word by word and underline, circle or highlight each one that you feel describes you. It’s very likely that in some instances both the positive and negative aspect of a trait may apply because you exhibit each at different times, such as confident and insecure for example, and that’s okay ... simply highlight them both.
When you’ve completed this little exercise you will have a snapshot of the person you presently are. Don’t judge yourself for this, just acknowledge it. This step is about becoming aware.
Step 2: Decide who you aspire to be.
This is the fun part because regardless of who you presently are you now get to choose who it is you will become. Look over your list and identify the traits in yourself that you want to diminish or eliminate and those you want to strengthen or add. You’ll notice that in most cases, when you identify an undesirable trait you possess, such as tardy, you will also see on the list a desirable alternative to replace it with, such as punctual.
Now take a fresh sheet of paper and write down each of the desirable character traits you have identified that you wish to add or strengthen. When completed you will have a snapshot of the person you soon will be.
Step 3: ‘Be’ the person you aspire to be.
This is the part that isn’t always easy but is surprisingly simple and effective. From the moment you identify who you aspire to be you can immediately begin becoming that.
Let’s say for example that along with your many desirable traits you have also identified in yourself (this is hypothetical) what you believe to be a few undesirable traits as well, such as tardy, unsupportive, stingy, cynical and pessimistic and you’ve decided to replace them with what you perceive to be more desirable traits such as punctual, supportive, generous, trusting and optimistic. From that moment on, you can begin thinking, speaking and acting as though you already are a person who possess those traits. It’s really that simple.
To assist in this process it’s a good practice to close your eyes for a few minutes at the beginning of each day and see yourself as the person with those traits as part of your character. Envision yourself living your life as that person, demonstrating those qualities in everything you say and do.
Now of course at the beginning this will be difficult and you may well fall off the wagon with some regularity (I certainly did), but each time this happens simply acknowledge it, recommit to your intention, and begin again thinking, speaking and acting each moment as the person already in possession of such a character.
At first this may feel forced and require a lot of conscious effort but little by little it gets easier until before long you’re not really thinking about it at all, it’s habit, it’s who you’ve become. You consciously being it has caused you to actually become it. Pretty cool, yes? And life changing, literally!
Is it really this simple? Yes! Do I know this for a fact? Yes! Can you do it Dilpreet? Absolutely! Will you do it? Sorry, that’s not my question to answer. :)
To your success, Reg
“The very best way to design and shape your character and personality is for you to act as if you were already the kind of person you would want to be.” ----- Brian Tracy WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE FOR YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can as long as you include the following complete statement: SHARE WITH FRIENDS!...
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