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To help people live happy, successful lives; to harness their natural power and live to their full potential.
"The single most important ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." ----- Theodore Roosevelt
EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNTS
If you submitted a question or provided feedback after last month's newsletter and did not hear back from me, I apologize. I make a practice of acknowledging feedback and responding to questions but this time, shortly after sending out the June newsletter and while in the midst of replying, my computer Outlook program crashed and all emails, folders and files became inaccessible to me.
It seems that, through my own ignorance of such things, I had inadvertently exceeded the capacity of my Outlook 2000 program by insensitively piling in far too many emails for storage, many with attachments, until it finally decided that it had had enough.
"That's it Reg" it effectively said, "I've had it … we're done!"
What a shock! Sure, there's no doubt that I took Outlook for granted and I admit that on occasion I didn't show it enough respect, but couldn't it at least have let me know that I was approaching the point of overload? I mean, how could it just drop me like a hot potato from one minute to the next?
Okay, in hindsight I have to admit it did send some warning signals by behaving strangely from time to time and not being as responsive as usual, but it happened so gradually I just became used to such behavior and thought it to be normal … and besides, after a short cooling off period it always came around again.
I suppose I thought it was just tired or feeling a little under the weather. After all, we'd had a fairly long relationship and it wasn't exactly a spring chicken any more (an old prairie term meaning 'no longer young', in case you didn't know). As I clearly see now however there was more to it than that and I should have been more sensitive and observant.
In any case, since that fateful day I have been working with specialists in an attempt to recover my files and it appears we're now close to getting the majority of them back, for which I'm very grateful. But it hasn't been easy, and in the words of the Outlook relationship-salvaging guru that I've turned to for help in this, "this is like trying to unscramble an egg." An interesting challenge for sure.
What I've been told however is that although many of my files appear to be saved they are no longer compatible with Outlook 2000 (something to do with the 'tools' they had to use in the process) … so I now have little option but to divorce my old Outlook and begin wooing Outlook 2007. I'm feeling a little apprehensive about this because although the process of developing a new relationship and going through a familiarization period can certainly be interesting and exciting, it can also be very challenging and require a significant investment of time and patience in order to get to where it's really comfortable.
I suspect you're not feeling very sorry for me in all of this because you don't have to be a technological wizard to see that I foolishly played a pretty big role in bringing this whole situation about. Having said that, any and all sympathy cards will still be greatly appreciated :) (see mailing address at the bottom of the page).
As I sit here now telling you this little tale of woe it strikes me that there are some definite similarities between what has happened in my relationship with my previously beloved Outlook 2000 and what often happens in relationships between people. In fact, in one of my workshops I use a comparison of human relationships and bank accounts to explain how this comes about.
Now before you think I've completely lost my marbles due to this unfortunate experience, let me explain ...
When two people begin a relationship of any kind they immediately open what I think of as an 'emotional bank account' with one another, and from that moment on they are continually making either deposits or withdrawals.
Each time they follow through on a commitment, provide support, show respect or compassion, sincerely apologize for a mistake, express appreciation, listen attentively, or offer encouragement (only a few examples) they are making a deposit in their account with the other. Obviously, the size of the deposit is dependent on its degree of importance at the time, which can be quite subjective.
On the other hand, each time they are insensitive, disrespectful, uncaring, deceitful, abusive, negatively critical, break a promise, or deny or shirk responsibility (and the list goes on) they are making a withdrawal from that same account.
Now the reality is that in each and every one of our relationships, whether of a business or personal nature, we are constantly making deposits and withdrawals. The key however, if we value the relationship, is to not always be taking more than we give. We are well advised to make more and larger deposits than we do withdrawals because just like with a regular bank account, if we become overdrawn too frequently or for too long our account is in danger of being closed out.
That's more or less what happened between Outlook and I over the final year or so of our relationship. I insensitively abused its capacity, ignored its occasional protests, neglected its needs, and just plain took it for granted … and not surprisingly, it eventually responded by closing my account.
For me this has been a painful experience with somewhat costly consequences, but nowhere near as painful or costly as making the same mistakes in a relationship with a spouse, parent, child, friend, business associate, or customer.
So there you have it. If you were not previously aware you are now, and you have an opportunity to learn from my experience and delete (or save elsewhere) some of your older email files, especially those with attachments. Based on what I've learned this will help keep your email program healthy and agile and it will love you for it.
But perhaps there's another opportunity available here.
I'm sure that if you evaluate your present people relationships you will quickly be able to identify those in which the 'other' has been making a few too many withdrawals and not enough deposits. And maybe there are even one or two in which you've been guilty of the same.
When I look back at my Outlook situation, right up until that final day I could have prevented the unpleasant outcome with one simple, positive action. Then, with just a small shift of attitude, I could have nurtured our relationship moving forward enabling us to continue on in a way that was beneficial for all concerned.
So how about you? Do you have a relationship in which you've inadvertently fallen out of deposit / withdrawal balance? If so, maybe it's still not too late to make the necessary changes.
To your success,
Reg Neufeld
"None are so empty as those who are full of themselves." ----- Andrew Jackson
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Reg Neufeld, founder of Growing Into Success Training, is a teacher of life success and achievement principles using practical, step-by-step processes that can help you get from where you are to where you want to be. If you're ready to take control and begin living a truly happy and successful life, get your FREE success tips now at www.growingintosuccess.com
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Reg Neufeld
Growing Into Success Training
402 - 1838 Nelson St.
Vancouver, BC
V6G 1N1
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