Our Mission:
To help people live happy, successful lives; to harness their natural power and live to their full potential.
"They can conquer who believe they can." ----- John Dryden
JUSTIFYING OUR LIMITATIONS
Have you ever experienced re-learning a lesson you thought you had already learned?
Now I'm not referring to something you learned intellectually from a book or teacher but never applied, and then forgot; I'm talking about a real life lesson
something you learned AND put into practice long enough to experience it at a very deep and personal level. Something you thought you absolutely had a handle on.
So, have you?
Well, I have, and it happened again just the other day.
It began innocently enough. A good friend and I were spending some time together and talking about a variety of things. We both play guitar (although he is certainly more accomplished than I and continually growing as a player) and had just visited a musical instrument retailer to check out a particular make of guitar in which he had interest.
Over the ensuing hours after leaving the music store our conversation went in many life directions, but frequently came back to music and guitars, and guitar playing. It was then that I shared my thoughts about my ability and how my playing limitations were strongly linked to my lack of real natural talent or aptitude.
I certainly don't think I was whining exactly, but in retrospect (and considering his response) I suspect that I hardly sounded like someone taking full responsibility for my situation.
In any case, his response went something like (and I'm loosely paraphrasing here because he was actually much more kind), "Well, if you studied, practiced and played more, you could become a much better player, even with and despite your inherent level of talent and aptitude".
Hmmm
what an interesting concept. Stopped me like a brick wall. Had to think about that for a while.
And after thinking, I had to admit to myself that he was pretty darn right. Sure there are many, many people with natural abilities light years beyond mine, but that has nothing to do with me and what I'm capable of. I absolutely could become significantly better than my current level; despite whatever raw talent or aptitude deficiencies I may or may not have.
But here's what bites; I already KNEW that. I've proven it to myself over and over in many areas of my life in very significant ways, and so have become a living example of that very concept.
So how is it that I got sucked back into the vortex of victimhood?
I suppose it happened because it's easy and comfortable, at least it is if that's a place one has spent time in the past, and I certainly have. But for some years now I have chosen not to live there and so I'm very grateful to my friend for making me aware that in this particular area, I had slid back in.
If I ever need a reminder of the ridiculousness of falling into this pattern in the future, I only need reflect back on another recent experience, one in which I had the opportunity to hear Sam Sullivan speak informally and candidly.
Without going into too much depth, here's a bit of his story.
Sam, born and raised in East Vancouver, was a very athletic kid until he broke his neck in a skiing accident at age 19 and became quadriplegic. He suffered severe depression for a number of years but then pulled himself out of that state and set about creating a life.
Since that time he has successfully completed a Bachelor of Business Administration degree at SFU, founded six non-profit organizations dedicated to improving the quality of life for disabled people in North America, been invested as a member of the Order of Canada, and received the Terry Fox Award for Excellence as well as the Peter F. Drucker Award for Innovation. Sam has served on the Vancouver City Council for 15 years (longest serving member) and in 2005 became Mayor.
Talk about limitations and not buying into them! He certainly has what most of us would consider to be very serious limitations, but the day he stopped seeing them as such is the day he started tapping into his true potential, and his life began to change.
In my lifetime I have learned that whatever we place our attention on, whether of a positive or negative nature, grows bigger in our mind. If we allow small, seemingly inconsequential thoughts about a thing to hang out in our mind for a while, pretty soon they attract other thoughts of a similar nature, and then more and more. Soon this 'thing' gets blown up way out of proportion and becomes bigger than life, and our whole world begins to revolve around it. Strong desires or fears can be examples of this.
Something else that happens with thoughts is that those we allow to visit repeatedly (again, whether positive or negative in nature) gradually become thought patterns, then thought habits, then beliefs, and finally expectations.
Our beliefs and expectations then become our truth, and consequently what we live out. This is true of course for racial, political, religious or any other prejudices, issues pertaining to our health, finances and relationships, as well as our capabilities in any and all areas, including playing guitar.
In other words, allowing thoughts of lack of talent or aptitude to hang out in my mind attracts more thoughts that are similar, many from my past ... like remembering how 'so and so' picked up on some rhythm or technique more quickly than I, or intuitively knew how to do something that I had to learn deliberately and methodically.
Then, the more frequently I let those kinds of thoughts visit my mind and stick around, the more quickly and easily they come and the longer they stay, until they become a habitual way of thinking about my level of talent and aptitude, which then is lived out by me daily in terms of my practical level of ability.
A technique or finger style pattern is extremely difficult for me, bordering on impossible? Of course it is
I simply don't have enough natural talent. How could I possibly expect myself to learn that?
It's right about now that a quote from 'Illusions' by Richard Bach flashes through my mind
"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."
What a self-made trap to fall into! Who in their right mind would DO such a thing?
Don't answer that.
Arguing for our limitations, or even just casually stating them, is typically a natural step in the above process and indicative of how we're buying into that negative inner dialogue. But if we're paying attention, we can learn from it.
What I mean is that our language will inevitably reflect the beliefs that our thoughts have created, as was evident in that conversation with my friend. So if we can just make an effort to become consciously aware of the words and phrases we use when talking about a subject (or be fortunate enough to have someone draw our attention to them), we can learn an awful lot about what we have created. Then, if we don't like what that is and what it is leading to, we can take steps immediately to begin creating something different, which is absolutely possible and always our choice.
We don't have to become the world's best at whatever this thing is. There may well be many others with greater gifts and far more aptitude, but still we can achieve what is possible for us. And in the case of my guitar playing, that's quite a different level than where I'm at right now.
So when is the last time you took inventory of your life? Is there anything you wish you were, had, or could do that you presently are not, don't have or can't do?
If so, how does your language sound around those issues? Is it possible you've been arguing for your limitations?
If yes, then maybe it's time to take a different position, as I am now doing, in this important internal debate
it's never too late to change your mind.
To your success,
Reg Neufeld
The outer limit of your potential is determined solely by your own beliefs and your own confidence in what you think is possible. ----- Brian Tracy
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Reg Neufeld, founder of Growing Into Success Training, is a teacher of life success and achievement principles using practical, step-by-step processes that can help you get from where you are to where you want to be. If you're ready to take control and begin living a truly happy and successful life, get your FREE success tips now at www.growingintosuccess.com
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Growing Into Success Training
402 - 1838 Nelson St.
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