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Issue # 27 | To Your Success | April 2006 |
"To different minds, the same world is a hell and a heaven." ----- Ralph Waldo Emerson WHERE IS YOUR ATTENTION? Hello, it's story time. Once upon a time there was a he and a she who had lived together for several years. As with most couples, the beginning of their relationship was wonderful. They were in love, yes … but just as importantly they liked each other. They laughed a lot and spent as much time together as possible. He saw only the good in she, and she in he. Not surprisingly, it wasn't long before they took the next step, made a 'commitment', and officially became a couple. For some time all was good. With familiarity however the initial glow dimmed. They began noticing the occasional not so terrific quality in each other that they hadn't seen before. Unfortunately they weren't very skilled in sharing what they felt and before too long (perhaps due to the stress and pressures of everyday life) these minor issues became more obvious and annoying. As their awareness of these 'undesirables' in the other increased they found themselves placing ever more attention upon them. Not surprisingly, as they did so these became increasingly more important and grating. Slowly but surely the fun and laughter faded away until it was difficult to even talk to each other without feeling and showing impatience and irritation. Then one day it happened. They awoke wondering what they had ever liked about each other in the first place and realized they could no longer tolerate living together. So, he and she did what so many others before had already done. They became a statistic … one more relationship that didn't make it. Such a familiar story. Now although it may seem that way, this article isn't really about relationships… though it certainly is relevant to them. It's actually about what science (through the study of Quantum Physics) has discovered in recent years. This discovery by the way, is also completely consistent with what personal development and spiritual teachers have been telling us for eons. Simply put, it is this, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." What this is really saying is that when you look at something (whether a person or situation) through rose-colored glasses, everything appears rosy. But when you look at those same things through lenses of criticism, they look very different. In other words, if we look for the good in a person or situation we will find good. If however we look for the bad, we will find that. This phenomenon is explained in the Law of Concentration, which states, "Whatever you consistently focus your attention upon will GROW in your mind in size and importance." So how does this affect you in your everyday life? The answer is, in many ways. For one, if there is a task that you don't enjoy doing and you focus your attention on what you don't like about it, doing it will be very unpleasant indeed. If on the other hand you focused your attention on doing it better than you've ever done before, you'll find that not only will you do it very well, you'll also hardly notice the disagreeable aspects of it. For another, if there is a particular situation in either your business or personal life that you dislike but must be involved in (meetings, visiting certain relatives), and you go into that situation focusing your attention on how much you don't want to be there, you will very probably have a miserable time. If however you go into it looking for something to enjoy you might just find it, and the whole experience will be much more to your liking. Or, if you must interact with someone you don't care for and you go into that interaction expecting to see all of the traits and characteristics you don't like about them, you will find those and probably become increasingly irritated. Yet, if you enter into that same interaction looking for the good in that person, there will almost certainly be something good to find. And finally, if when driving in traffic you focus your attention on all of the stupid and infuriating things that other drivers do (that of course you never do), you will no doubt find yourself constantly being upset and reacting accordingly. If however you recognize that there will always be someone doing something you don't like, and instead shift your focus to being understanding, patient, considerate and forgiving, you will very likely find your driving time much more enjoyable and perhaps even amusing. In the above examples, the situations are what they are … and for the most part you have little direct control over them. You do however have complete control over how you view and respond to them, which can have an incredibly positive affect on the quality of your daily life. Now back to relationships for a moment, does this mean that if you just ignore the annoying traits of your partner they will disappear (the traits that is, not the partner)? No, not necessarily. Romantic relationships are complicated things that require several key components to ensure long-term success, such as open communication, mutual respect, non-judgmentalism (if that's a word), consideration, patience, shared values, agreed upon life vision, etc … all backed by an intention of unconditional love. However, choosing where you place your attention can have a significant affect on how well you do in these various areas, as well as on the end result. So where are you placing your attention? Remember, it's your choice and your life, so choose wisely. "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." ----- Marcus Aurelius SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Growing Into Success Training will be presenting a half-day seminar in partnership with the Chilliwack Chamber of Commerce as part of their Business Excellence Program. Are you in Retail? Don't miss this important event for Retail Staff and Management. 101 - HOW TO BE A RETAIL SUPERSTAR! Thursday, May 18 Contact: "One of the great keys to success is to use proven success methods. Learn from the experts; don't try to re-invent the wheel. Life is too short for that." ----- Brian Tracy To Your Success, Reg Neufeld and the Growing Into Success Training Team Growing Into Success Training www.growingintosuccesstraining.com SHARE WITH FRIENDS!... 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