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A Pat on the Back
Have you ever done something really well and then realized that no one was there to witness and acknowledge it? Or even worse, someone was but they weren't paying attention? Maybe you executed a golf shot, played a piece of music or performed some difficult task at work or home, perfectly. You felt terrific for having done it, yet at the same time something was missing. No one said, "Wow, way to go. Great job!"
Wasn't it exhilarating ... and yet somehow just a little disappointing, a part of the glow missing? Experiencing that feeling is quite natural. As humans we crave and respond positively to encouraging feedback. It not only makes us feel 'good' but also more 'capable'. It boosts our confidence and self-esteem.
The reverse however is also true. When we receive negative feedback or criticism it hurts, especially if the criticism doesn't have a constructive intent. It may even diminish our confidence and self-esteem, causing us to feel less capable of performing well in the future.
I'm sure this isn't anything new to you. There are countless autobiographical and educational books that explain the considerable effects of these positive and negative influences, and there's little doubt that most of us have experienced both.
So with the longstanding availability of this knowledge, our present world must surely by now be full of praise and recognition. All those people who care about us, especially those who benefit from our efforts, must be all over us with positive comments when we do something good. I mean, surely they all realize how important it is. Our family, friends, co-workers and bosses must be totally in tune with this, right?
No? ... Really? ... Why wouldn't they be?
Good question. Possibly it's because not everyone is as focused on what's best for us as we may like them to be. They have their own situations, which can interfere with them being sensitive to ours.
But we're never guilty of that, are we? ... Are we? ... Hmmm.
Here's a thought; maybe we should just focus on what we can do. Remember that famous old phrase, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"? ... Powerful!
As with so many great lessons in life, it's not about what 'others' do or don't do; it's really about what 'we' do or don't do. With that in mind, how can we do for someone what we would like someone to do for us?
It's actually not too difficult. Instead of looking to criticize, we can develop the mindset of trying to catch others doing something good. It doesn't matter whether it's our parents, children, spouse, siblings, friends, associates, co-workers, employees or boss, the principle is exactly the same. We only need to focus on catching them doing something worthy of recognition and then giving it to them, preferably in front of others for maximum benefit. You can't imagine how good that makes them feel!
Oh sorry ... I guess you can.
But why would you want to do that for others if others aren't doing it for you?
Well, why not 'just because it feels good'? Or maybe because helping build someone up is truly the 'right thing to do' ... and who knows, it might even be contagious.
Someone once wrote, "Sincere praise works with only three types of people; men, women and children."
Try it today. Not only will it be a positive experience for someone else, it will be one for you.
To your success,
Reg Neufeld
Growing Into Success Training
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